The Jet-lagged Journalist

If you are reading this post you are most likely in a long-distance relationship or you are about to be in one. For context I have known my boyfriend for seven years and have been dating him for two of those years; as of now, we are about a four-hour drive from each other and previously have been over a three-hour plane ride from each other. Through these years I have accumulated some knowledge I hope to pass on to others who are in a similar situation as I am.

1. Long distance will either teach you how to live without that person, or that you can’t.

This is the best piece of advice I could give someone. I understand that this sentence can be intimidating, so let’s break this down. Being in a relationship that excludes forced proximity will show you whether or not you really care to be with this person. Even before my boyfriend, Andrew, and I started dating, I always found the need to want to talk to him. I valued him as a friend (I still do) and I genuinely enjoyed my days that included him over the ones that didn’t.

Think about these questions for a minute:

• Do you depend on this person for your happiness?
• Do you trust this person?
• Are you finding yourself thinking about being in a relationship with someone else over who you are already with?
• Does this person drain your energy?
• Are you feeling as if you are in a relationship with your phone more so than with an actual person?
• What is the end goal of this relationship?

Depending on how you answered these questions you may not be in the right relationship.

2. Use this time to discover who you are.

Being in a relationship with distance will force you to do things other than hanging out with your partner. I have picked up great hobbies and have learned to truly enjoy being by myself. Learning to enjoy time without your partner will only make spending time with them more special and appreciated. Find out how you can better yourself; maybe you can go to therapy, start working out, create your own business, learn a new language, practice a musical instrument, make some great friendships, and travel. Bettering yourself will only strengthen your relationship.

3. Try to always have a plan.

When you will see each other next?

• I can’t stress enough how much easier this makes the goodbyes. I know it’s not always easy to know when you will see your partner next, but it really does make the time in between seeing each other go by quicker. The night before I get to see Andrew I’m usually so excited I can’t sleep.

When will you be done with long distance?

• Knowing you won’t have to be far away forever is comforting. If you don’t have a single clue when or if your distance will end, your paths aren’t quite aligning. You should have a general idea of where you both want to live in the future and hopefully have a plan on how you will get there.

4. Long distance isn’t easy, but if you are with the right person it won’t be hard.

What do I mean by this? Arguing is normal in any relationship, but you shouldn’t find yourselves constantly bickering. You shouldn’t be feeling insecure or doubting if this person really wants to be with you. You absolutely should not be filled up with distrust and jealousy. Your relationship shouldn’t feel like a task; you both will have your parts to play and there should never be just one person putting in all the effort. You should be able to confidently say that this person would fight for your relationship because they care about you.

5. If your relationship can’t survive long distance you are not meant for each other.

A hard pill to swallow and kind of controversial, I know. I fully believe the distance should not be greater than the relationship. I say this because if someone can only love you when you are near, it’s not real love. Andrew and I say we think everyone should go through a long distance in their relationship at some point because you will find out real quickly if you truly want to be with this person.

6. Last and most importantly, keep God at the center of your relationship.

Knowing you have a strong foundation in your relationship with Jesus will only strengthen your relationship with your partner. Praying over your relationship and gaining God’s blessings is the best way to connect with your loved one. Being in a relationship with a man who I know shares the same morals and beliefs as me gives me a sense of comfort and security for our future.

If you have any questions or tips of your own, my email is always open! Cheers to healthy, long-lasting relationships!